i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
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and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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