friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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