I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
