LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
