oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
