I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
