I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
