Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I wear drunk well.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
