So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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