Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
