Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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