Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I love having hate sex.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
