The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My balls are so social today.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
you never un-have a 4some
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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