you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
