Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
jump out the window naked night went bad
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