Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
