if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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