I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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