dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Randomize
