Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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