My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
