Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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