Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
