I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
