And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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