i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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