umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Farmville is her only friend.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
