Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
