Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
