I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
