im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
