I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
