I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
