can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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