Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
