Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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