bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
