Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.