im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
