Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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