someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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