Texts From Last Night

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  (752): View more from California

  What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?

  (209): View more from California

  I think the two go hand in hand.

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  (752): What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall? (209): I think the two go hand in hand. http://tfl.nu/xxhp
  Replies (73) Good night (1188) Bad night (6048)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.

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  (252): i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too. http://tfl.nu/myt5
  Replies (55) Good night (6135) Bad night (866)
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  (925): View more from California

  I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.

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  (925): I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point. http://tfl.nu/b8y5
  Replies (48) Good night (1436) Bad night (5367)
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  (585): View more from New York

  My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.

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  (585): My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home. http://tfl.nu/zb6p
  Replies (6) Good night (842) Bad night (3919)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.

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  (816): He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner. http://tfl.nu/o8kh
  Replies (15) Good night (1167) Bad night (3646)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.

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  (763): Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits. http://tfl.nu/o3v5
  Replies (3) Good night (1223) Bad night (2560)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!

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  (857): I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test! http://tfl.nu/oysi
  Replies (7) Good night (883) Bad night (3287)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Make me a sandwich

  (301): View more from Maryland

  The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.

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  (845): Make me a sandwich (301): The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich. http://tfl.nu/al2a
  Replies (28) Good night (6192) Bad night (878)
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  (925): View more from California

  Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.

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  (925): Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious. http://tfl.nu/2nhd
  Replies (4) Good night (734) Bad night (1598)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.

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  (506): Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second. http://tfl.nu/am2u
  Replies (1) Good night (1296) Bad night (756)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this

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  (703): So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this http://tfl.nu/pt0i
  Replies (6) Good night (1139) Bad night (511)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.

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  (330): the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica. http://tfl.nu/9g1v
  Replies (0) Good night (570) Bad night (327)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.

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  (208): I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook. http://tfl.nu/vmgg
  Replies (1) Good night (312) Bad night (538)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins

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  (678): You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major. (404): I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins http://tfl.nu/kskd
  Replies (2) Good night (738) Bad night (318)
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  (138): View more from

  You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI

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  (138): You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI http://tfl.nu/odjn
  Replies (1) Good night (403) Bad night (248)

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