My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
