come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
