I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
