I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
