It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
