Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
