All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The ass gains better be worth it
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