Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hospital has no fireball
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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