You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
