Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
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He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
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I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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