Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
