Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The beer is more important than you right now.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
