I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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