So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
