You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
