im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
