marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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