After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
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I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
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We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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