I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
