last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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