It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
