You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
