Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
