I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
