Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So vagazzling was a success
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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