You made me cry and you don't even care
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
