Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I cannot find my penis.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
