Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
