If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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