someone threw a dead crab at me
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
