she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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