Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
